To me, depression is one of the most unique things for someone to go through. No one likes to talk about it but if you find the courage to, it’s hard to find someone who truly understands it. People take depression as far as they can, before it chews them up and spits them out. To give some examples, I want to simply explain some thoughts I’ve had this week and how they were changed by this unwelcomed force.

I had to go back to work after New Year’s. I know, it’s not really a big deal… right? Well to me, it was the end of the world (it still is, but less so). Instead of going to work as a disgruntled employee, I woke up and was hit with a wave of thoughts, all telling me that killing myself is a better option than going to work. It seems drastic, sure, but anything’s better than a lifetime of servitude to some boss that you only know because of your need for food, shelter and water. Clearly, I shouldn’t kill myself, and I know that when I’m in a less manic mood I’ll think differently, but the idea of crawling out of bed to be a slave to work that you’re forced to do is so overwhelming that it’s not “what you’re supposed to do,” but rather a death sentence. Then it evolves to, “if I’m going to do this until I’m sixty-five, then I’d rather just die now.”

 Here’s one more example that hit me. I ordered a gift for Christmas and it didn’t get delivered in time. It’s one gift, and I was even able to get something else in time to fix it, so why is this such a big deal? I don’t really know, but all of the sudden I had this army of self-deprecating demons attacking me, saying I’m not a good son, brother, boyfriend, relative or anything else that could be possible. I felt like this cancer to society simply because a package would be a little late. It was due to forces mostly out of my control, but I didn’t see it that way. I saw myself as this total failure because of one stupid package.

So, what do I do to deal with all of this? It depends on the day. Sometimes I lay in bed and pity myself until I fall asleep. Other times I put on a fake smile and go about my day, occasionally crying uncontrollably when I find a moment to myself, without understanding why I’m doing it. Unfortunately, the most likely thing to happen to me is a barrage of unpleasant thoughts regarding self-harm. Depression sucks but remember that you’re never alone and that the most important thing to do is find a support system, whether it’s a dog, friend or therapist. There are other ways to deal with it too. I found that writing helps me a lot, so experiment with some hobbies and see what makes you feel better.

Written by Scott McKinney.

78 thoughts on “One Week With Depression

  1. This is pretty amazing though.
    The phenomena that haunts a major part of our society and no-one knows exactly what it is.
    I find it useful to write the shit out of it. You know, you just embrace the demons by writing,
    you become a hunter. Therefore, I kindly ask of you: if you write about it, give more details,
    vomit every little feeling, bring out every shade. That may be inspiring.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. I believe in teaching children towards having an unbreakable heart before they are hit with depression. That is the motivation for me to blog about the methods. If they are resilient, they can bounce back up after something bad happen. To learn the skills to cure themselves after having depression is very hard, because they may not have the strength and energy to apply those skills suggested by therapist. Medication can only help suppress the symptoms but not cure the patients. “No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path.”

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Writing helps me too!it doesn’t only provide me relief, but to helps me to share everything even when no one’s around. Depression sucks. But the fact that people hide it like it’s an shameful illness ,sucks more. You’re physical health is nothing without your mental health. Great post. Thanks for being real.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. hey, hang in there.. trust me I know what it feels like. Not being able to get up, not having anyone understand and not being able to understand yourself either… how long have you been suffering? I’m sorry I just feel like I have hit rock bottom and I was hoping someone somewhere would tell me that it will get better…that I could have my life back again

    Liked by 2 people

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